Hello my name is Karen and I am a control freak. First step is admitting you have a problem right? Well I have a huge problem relinquishing control or simply being able to say “THANK YOU” and appreciation help even if it isn’t done the way I would do it. A perfect example is going on right this second. Marcos is doing laundry and instead of being able to sit here and write -because well laundry is one less thing I have to do, I am peaking over and wondering if he is “doing it right”.
I know I am not the only one who has this issue, a couple of months ago a girlfriend of mine called me asking me, “Why can’t I just say thank you?” My answer was, “Because we are control freaks”. Aside from my main control issues, I think I am molded this way because I was a single mom for a long time. Although I did have the help of my family, I still was the one who was in charge of this little human all on my own. Yes, her father is involved, but it is still not the same as raising a child UNDER THE SAME ROOF as your partner. The first couple of times we washed her clothes I was folding it on my own or refolding it because it was not the way I would do it and then her drawer would look funny. Shortly after Lia was born I began to let go of some of the control. I began to feel overwhelmed and stressed out beceause I felt I had to do so much on my own. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help it was that I didn’t accept the help because I was so stuck in doing it my own way. 8 short months later I am done trying to make our folded laundry look uniformed. I am a busy body, so the busier I am the happier I am in a way. That is, until I find myself crying because I feel I cannot get everything done.
So what is there to do? Well for starters I have decided to accept help when it is offered, it is always nice to have an extra pair of hands. When a baby is born our instincts are to be the only one to hold them and care for them. I believe it was easier to let others hold Lia or let others put her to sleep because I felt like I needed the break considering I couldn’t be away from her at all since she is breastfed.
I also learned to do something I was not used to-asking for help! I have always been Ms. Do It All, literally! A self-sufficient person since I was probably 4-5 years old. I was always volunteering for things and being the person to help others, but never asking help for myself. Because I was Super Woman and could do it all. Well let’s all be real here-we can all try to be Super Woman but there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Marcos made me see that it was okay to ask for help and that most people like to feel needed & will gladly accept. So there are days I cook dinner and take care of everything and then others when I ask for help and he is more than happy to help. Seeing as this is a safe place for me to share I will tell you all…MARCOS IS A BETTER COOK THAN I AM! I have definitely gotten better & have been more adventurous but he is the real MVP here lol!
Alongside of asking for help I have learned to say “Thank you”. Even if things are not done my way, or my vision is slightly different I have learned to be appreciative. We each have our way of doing things and I am very fortunate to have the help that I do. I think this is all a part of growing as a person and in a partnership. The ability to let go and trust in others is not something that is given it is earned. I hope that all you control freaks out there learn a little something from this stubborn Mamma Bear! I challenge you to each day say thank you at least once a day. They say if you do it 28 days it becomes a habit so lets get in the habit of saying “Thank You”.