Babies,Mom Life,Motherhood

One Last Time…the end to my breastfeeding journey

Last week I shared how I was beginning to wean Lia. Well that happened way faster than I anticipated. It took only two weeks. Here I was thinking I would be writing an update on the process and instead I am telling you it is done. A couple of days ago I felt conflicted, way more than I do now. A lot was happening in a short period of time and I was just very emotional.

What happened?

It started off with cutting a feeding every couple of days. It quickly went from 5 feedings per day to 2 feedings only- one before bed and one first thing in the morning. I swore those would be the hardest to kick, but then life happened and it was a breeze. First she stayed up later than usual and didn’t wake up at her usual 5am time, she slept until 7. Since she woke up so late I just went straight to food. That happened a few times. Then she fell asleep once without nursing right before so I decided to give it a try again. Next thing I knew it was Tuesday night and I hadn’t nursed her since Monday morning-over 24 hours had gone by. It seemed like a done deal, a very emotional done deal.

Related Post: Weaning Lia Week 1

How I Felt

Tuesday night- the day before Lia’s 1st Birthday Pappa Bear jokingly made a comment about how Lia didn’t need me anymore and I began to cry. I did not expect it to be so easy or be done so quickly. I shared with my friends and family and was suggested I nurse her one last time for both of our sakes, so I did. Just thinking about writing this part brings tears to my eyes. I did not expect to become so attached to nursing. It was  a love-hate relationship with nursing that I apparently loved more than I hated. I became so emotional. Partly I know hormones do a number on you and I knew it was somewhat to blame. Then another part of me was struggling with not being sad at my baby becoming a toddler. As exciting as life is now I can’t help but cry at how fast time went by. So for both our sakes, I nursed her one last time.

One Last Time…

I woke up Wednesday morning and decided what a more beautiful day than her birthday to nurse her one last time. I went about my morning and waited for her to wake up. I decided I would let us take our time and just bond. I would not watch TV or check my phone, I would just take in this moment, this last of its kind with my baby girl. She woke up as excited and happy as can be. I picked her up and brought her to my room. I sat down and she knew what was coming and got that excited little smile she always got. And she nursed for a very long time. Longer than usual. It was as if she knew. She cuddled and nursed and smile and enjoyed it just like me. I cried a little and I kissed her and I thanked her for this journey together. I laid down with her as she touched my face while she ate and I kissed those tiny little fingers. We were there together just the two of us as she enjoyed her favorite meal for the past 12 months.

I remembered our struggles and frustrations, the many times I wanted to give up.  I thought about the proud feeling I got every doctor’s appointment, watching how much she had grown and knowing it was ME! I grew this little person.

This bond we created is beautiful. One of my best decisions as a mother and my greatest accomplishments. I sat there and thought about the changes to come and the need to learn what it’s like to have my body be MINE again.

Then I stopped.

Instead I laid there and I looked at her. I watched her little face full of joy.  I watched my body nourish hers one last time…

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11 Comments

  • Reply
    Kellie
    October 2, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    This is sweet. I had DMER so I hated nursing my second daughter (my first was a preemie and never latched so we formula fed). But I nursed her for 20 months, even though it was awful for most of it. Still, that last time was unforgettable and a treasured moment I won’t forget. <3 Hugs to you, mama!

    • Reply
      mammabearsays
      October 3, 2017 at 6:52 am

      I completely agree with the awful parts! These memories are for a lifetime. Sending hugs your way !

  • Reply
    Joylee Armeje
    October 2, 2017 at 8:56 pm

    That’s sweet. Nursing a baby really creates a bond that is special only to a mother and child. 🙂

    • Reply
      mammabearsays
      October 3, 2017 at 6:51 am

      It is a very unique bond. I had no idea what it would be like

  • Reply
    Dipika
    October 2, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    Awwwww… I miss those days of nursing my little ones. And I can totally relate to you.. weaning both my kids was very quick… I got emotional at the time but happy that I could experience this beautiful process …

    • Reply
      mammabearsays
      October 3, 2017 at 6:50 am

      I am so thankful I was able to experience it too!

  • Reply
    Ana
    October 3, 2017 at 4:29 am

    I remember my baby weaning days. With my first I was forced because of a severe illness and my second he became uninterested. Two very different experiences. Thank you for sharing yours. I am happy that it went smooth for you!

    • Reply
      mammabearsays
      October 3, 2017 at 6:49 am

      I can only imagine how different my next experience will be

  • Reply
    Sarah
    October 3, 2017 at 7:21 am

    Isn’t it crazy how much you hate and love something at the same time. You cannot wait for it to end but then when it does, you are so sad? I was the same way with my little one. The operations/logistics of feeding made me want to pull my hair out but when I really thought about the bond we had I was so sad.

  • Reply
    Sheri
    October 5, 2017 at 11:09 am

    Breastfeeding actually didn’t work for me, I was sad at first, but it is what it is.

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