Last week I shared how I was beginning to wean Lia. Well that happened way faster than I anticipated. It took only two weeks. Here I was thinking I would be writing an update on the process and instead I am telling you it is done. A couple of days ago I felt conflicted, way more than I do now. A lot was happening in a short period of time and I was just very emotional.
It started off with cutting a feeding every couple of days. It quickly went from 5 feedings per day to 2 feedings only- one before bed and one first thing in the morning. I swore those would be the hardest to kick, but then life happened and it was a breeze. First she stayed up later than usual and didn’t wake up at her usual 5am time, she slept until 7. Since she woke up so late I just went straight to food. That happened a few times. Then she fell asleep once without nursing right before so I decided to give it a try again. Next thing I knew it was Tuesday night and I hadn’t nursed her since Monday morning-over 24 hours had gone by. It seemed like a done deal, a very emotional done deal.
Related Post: Weaning Lia Week 1
How I Felt
Tuesday night- the day before Lia’s 1st Birthday Pappa Bear jokingly made a comment about how Lia didn’t need me anymore and I began to cry. I did not expect it to be so easy or be done so quickly. I shared with my friends and family and was suggested I nurse her one last time for both of our sakes, so I did. Just thinking about writing this part brings tears to my eyes. I did not expect to become so attached to nursing. It was a love-hate relationship with nursing that I apparently loved more than I hated. I became so emotional. Partly I know hormones do a number on you and I knew it was somewhat to blame. Then another part of me was struggling with not being sad at my baby becoming a toddler. As exciting as life is now I can’t help but cry at how fast time went by. So for both our sakes, I nursed her one last time.
One Last Time…
I woke up Wednesday morning and decided what a more beautiful day than her birthday to nurse her one last time. I went about my morning and waited for her to wake up. I decided I would let us take our time and just bond. I would not watch TV or check my phone, I would just take in this moment, this last of its kind with my baby girl. She woke up as excited and happy as can be. I picked her up and brought her to my room. I sat down and she knew what was coming and got that excited little smile she always got. And she nursed for a very long time. Longer than usual. It was as if she knew. She cuddled and nursed and smile and enjoyed it just like me. I cried a little and I kissed her and I thanked her for this journey together. I laid down with her as she touched my face while she ate and I kissed those tiny little fingers. We were there together just the two of us as she enjoyed her favorite meal for the past 12 months.
I remembered our struggles and frustrations, the many times I wanted to give up. I thought about the proud feeling I got every doctor’s appointment, watching how much she had grown and knowing it was ME! I grew this little person.
This bond we created is beautiful. One of my best decisions as a mother and my greatest accomplishments. I sat there and thought about the changes to come and the need to learn what it’s like to have my body be MINE again.
Then I stopped.
Instead I laid there and I looked at her. I watched her little face full of joy. I watched my body nourish hers one last time…
This is sweet. I had DMER so I hated nursing my second daughter (my first was a preemie and never latched so we formula fed). But I nursed her for 20 months, even though it was awful for most of it. Still, that last time was unforgettable and a treasured moment I won’t forget. <3 Hugs to you, mama!
I completely agree with the awful parts! These memories are for a lifetime. Sending hugs your way !
That’s sweet. Nursing a baby really creates a bond that is special only to a mother and child. 🙂
It is a very unique bond. I had no idea what it would be like
Awwwww… I miss those days of nursing my little ones. And I can totally relate to you.. weaning both my kids was very quick… I got emotional at the time but happy that I could experience this beautiful process …
I am so thankful I was able to experience it too!
I remember my baby weaning days. With my first I was forced because of a severe illness and my second he became uninterested. Two very different experiences. Thank you for sharing yours. I am happy that it went smooth for you!
I can only imagine how different my next experience will be
Isn’t it crazy how much you hate and love something at the same time. You cannot wait for it to end but then when it does, you are so sad? I was the same way with my little one. The operations/logistics of feeding made me want to pull my hair out but when I really thought about the bond we had I was so sad.
yes! Thats exactly how I felt
Breastfeeding actually didn’t work for me, I was sad at first, but it is what it is.