Mom guilt. We all have it. For one reason or another. It’s inevitable. Are we doing enough? Are we doing too much? Guilt for wanting certain things. Guilt for NOT wanting certain things. Guilt for our thoughts. Guilt for the thoughts we should have but don’t. At some part throughout your week or even your day it creeps up. When you raise your voice and feel bad 5 seconds later, when you say no, when you don’t say anything. We never feel what we do is enough.
Co-parenting brings in a whole array of struggle son its own. I’ve felt mom guilt so much with Zoey because she is gone so much. I feel I am some times harder on her than I should be. Why? Because to her, I’m the least fun parent. And it sucks. And at the same time I feel totally okay with it. Because ultimately these lessons and responsibilities I am trying to instill in her will make her a contributing member of society, and most importantly a kind person.
I always felt guilty that I did not have the time to do just fun things. That I did not have the time to sit down and play with her all day. Why? Because I had to go to school, I had homework, I had to work. And some times it was 2 jobs I was working. Night classes I was taking.
Then there was the guilt in going or doing fun things when she was not home. Where I live one of the local colleges holds a pumpkin festival every year. And every year it lands when she isn’t with me. And every year I decided not to go. This year we have Lia. This year I want to go. This year I will not feel guilty.
Learning that life goes on even when she is visiting her dads is an adjustment. Before Lia those weekends were time for my partner and I to go out and do young things, stay out late, sleep in. You remember those days right? Now, with Lia, it’s different. We had been staying in a lot more when Zoey was gone. And I want to change that. It wasn’t a big deal when she was younger because well-baby life. Now as a toddler she loves to see things and be outdoors. Life just got a whole lot more fun for her.
So this year I will not feel guilty. I will not stay home. I will not miss the pumpkin festival. It will be okay. There will be other chances. I will be excited and happy and be okay with feeling that way. So wish me luck as I try not to feel guilty. Wish me luck as I promise myself to get caught up in the joy of who’s there and not let myself dwell in Zoey missing out.